hypocrisy and the non-smoker

I was walking out of my building at work today, and a few steps in front of me were 2 folks, smokes in hand. Before opening the door to the outside, the first lady lights her smoke, ensures it is lit, then proceeds to open the door. Not only did i have to wait a second or two for them to proceed, i had to hall in her ass air.

I was in the midst of a conversation, and quite taken offguard, and meek, so i didn't say anything. All i could muster was a dirty snarl... which i'd like to believe is quite out of character. But holy fuck, whats with people?

This lady, who'd been smoking at least 10 years by the looks of her, should be fuckin capable of lighting her life stick on fire with a bit of breeze on a zero degree day... but no, she decided she should light it inside so all folks that have to walk through for the next hour, not to mention the folks in her midst (ie me), will have the unpleasant experience of halling back her ass air. The air she breathes is ass, she exhales ass, death, and intoxication, and feels its her absolute privilege to do so.

Well, its not a privilege, its not a right, its a demon. One that haunts people every second of every day, and infects those around them in ways their blindness renders them unable to see. How would you feel if you were in the midst of an intense emotional conversation with someone, really breaking ground, and then you find out that they're really only invoking a steadily declining 50% of their brain on the conversation. That more and more they're mind is actually drifting off into other areas, areas that are beginning to manipulate their coherent then-and-now. This is the mind of an addictive personality, one that smokes at least once every hour or two, every single day of their lives, and feels it is there right/privilege/gift to interrupt any and every experience of their lives, every hour or two, to satisfy the urge. Its not their fault that other non-smokers are inconvenienced by this, they have to put up with it, cause its the smokers right.... ha!!

Smoking is great in so many ways, and so bad in so many more ways. Its fuckin pathetic, and its people like the lady smoking in the entranceway that give smokers a bad name. Now that i'm not really one of them, i see it/them in a different light. I miss it. And i'm a total hypocrite. I'm beginning to get insulted when someone would rather spend time destroying their body and satisfying a pathetic urge to bring chemical happiness to their lives than spend that time with me. But thats what it does. It makes you feel there is nothing else more important. Well, life is more important. There is a time and place for everything, and if the smoking culture around here wasn't so god damn all encompassing and controlling, it wouldn't be so bad. But everyone around here feels its their right to do it all the time, anywhere, anytime.

I can't believe i used to throw my butts out the car window. Totally acceptable for me and all my friends. How fucking blind was i? Why is the world my ashtray? My city, streets, sidewalks. As if i just pitched my nasty butts. Thats fucking pathetic, as was i.

I could totally go for a smoke right now. I wouldn't blow it in anyones face. I wouldn't smoke it inside. I'd put the butt in the ashtray/garbage. It would make me *feel* good. It would provide pleasure, and it would be sweet for a little while. But i can't go through the ridiculous lifestyle/introspective interruption it causes again. It is a huge part of who you are. If you're defined by your actions, what does it mean if a third of your actions for your entire life are to satisfy a pathetic chemical urge? So massive it's scary. And it kills you physically too...

I'm hoping the cravings go away at some point. Sorry i'm a hypocrite, maybe i can quit that too at some point.

bitchin bout broth

I needed to get some vegetarian broth on sunday for a soup i was going to make. Nothing fancy, just some good old gluten free, relatively low sodium broth. Gluten free cause of allergies, and low sodium because i like seasoning things myself.

I found myself in loblaws. I'm finding less and less reason to shop at loblaws these days. I needed a few other things, a cuke, broccoli and cauli... their broccoli, while cheap, was shit as only the dregs were left, and no cauli was to be found. Their cukes (english that is) were small and pathetic. I decided to bail on produce and get it at farm boy down the road, and headed for broth and soy milk.

I first went into the "organics" or specialty section (this is the south keys loblaws btw). In there i did find 2 types of broth, but only the PC organic type was available in the veggie variety. I was SHOCKED and APPALLED to learn that the organic PC veggie broth has over 900 mg of sodium in a cup... WHAT!!! This is RIDICULOUS!!! Why the hell do they need to lace it so badly!!! I can't in good conscience buy that, thats just way too salty considering i needed at least a litre... i kept looking.

I went to the regular broth section... i found some cambells veggie broth in a smaller, likely half litre container. If i recall, it said it was at 400 or 500 mg... but of course, the serving size changed to 2/3 of a cup, making it better, but still about 700 mg sodium per cup. Not to mention their deception, how could i ever support such a product with deceptive portion manipulation!!! Bastardos!!!

At this point i just want to point out that i'm not a massive fan of salt, and seeming obsession with low sodium products is not primarily because of health. I simply want to use ONLY enough of it to bring the flavours out, and for this purpose i am greatly respectful of its powers.

Anyways, now i'm bitching herbivorously the loblaws name under my breath... i head to the soy milk section, to find out all they have is the shite silk stuff left, no regular so good, and definitely no so nice. I'm pissed. I got the obligatory cereal and some pompadum's as a constellation prize, hit the self serve isle, and hoped i'd never have to enter again save to use that coin changing machine if it doesn't charge too much (anyone know what it charges, it doesn't say...?).

So to farm boy. Ahhh farm boy. I don't care if your garlic comes from china too, i'm still shopping there. I found everything i needed. Organic veggie broth, "Pacific" brand... it ended up tasting decently enough, and was *only* 530 mg of sodium per cup. I found my so nice regular milk, which was convenient too as i wasn't sure they'd have it. Got some bananas, a beefy english cuke, and was out in no time saving 4c because of my supplied bag.

In closing, loblaws is getting under my skin, and farm boy is climbing the ranks. I still prefer herb n spice where possible, but if i have specific needs and need to go out anyways to say the depot or liquor stores, i'm gonna opt to save a few bucks at the bigger stores (most of the time). But what pisses me off the most is the amount of sodium in broths... i guess thats the flavour, and better tasting broths will sell more, but people are wising. I even overheard someone in loblaws NOT buy something because it contained "modified corn starch"... this is a good sign.

i love food

I think food is likely my favorite thing in this world (when i say thing, i'm excluding people and interactions between them). It is just so good.

I planned on doing the lemon cleanse again this year. I started today. I will likely stop today too. I love food too much now. I also don't have much motivation for doing it, short of saying i wanted to, and i wanted to give my stomach a break. But i'm all confused now... just like the nicotine angels call down to me for company, so do the food sirens request i swallow them post chew. Oh my god i love food so much.

I would love to have some more camcong soup right now. It was my last meal last night. I'd also settle for peanuts in the shell.

I'll get through today, i'd feel like a mofo if i couldn't. But tomorrow is another school day...

xmas giving, and why giving is often flawed

I had a great xmas this year. I enjoy getting together with family, exchanging presents, a little consumerism, a little recycling, giving, etc.. All the stuff related to family and friends is great, absolutely great.

The upcoming rant has little to do with xmas, its just bad timing for xmas. I participate in this little group formerly called "Free Cycle" or Full Circle Ottawa. In theory, its great. You post when you have something to offer, or when you're looking for something particular. I've posted and successfully "freecycled" a lawnmower, file folders, and a few other things. But lately, i'm sick of it. Its not as easy as it sounds to give something away.

The rule of thumb seems to be, if you're offering something, state where you live and methods for delivery - either pick up, or drop off, or both. I always state pick up only... i'm sure if i were trucking this stuff all over town i could get rid of it much easier. I guess i'm not that nice, and don't want to spend 5 bux in gas to go to the east end... perhaps i should.

Another part of the problem is the email communication medium, which is used initially, but really should be taken out of the loop and replaced by the phone after the first exchange. Perhaps this is all i need to do in the future, but for the time being i'm pissed. Email is lazy, and not very time relevant. I post, an hour later someone responds saying they can pick it up. Then i see it, say when can you come, and 2 days later i get a response...

The reason why i'm mad now is because i've been trying to get rid of this old stereo system since boxing day. Here's how it's gone down:

• I post around 10am on boxing day saying the stereo is in semi-working condition, available for pickup in centertown.



• I get the first response at 10:20, saying the person can pick it up before 1pm today. The 2nd person to respond sent at 10:30am



• I respond to the first person at about 10:40, saying i'll be home, heres my address, come and get it.



• I wait... eventually at 3:45 the guy responds and says he just got home, and can pick it up on saturday.



• I respond to the 2nd person saying it is still available, but she's mostly asking about the stereo, and where i'm located (which was in my original email).



• At around 7pm, someone else responds, saying they're interested.



• Still following up with the 2nd person now on the 27th, this is what they wrote at 11:44 am: hi a wiill try to get a ride right away thanks where do u live exactly does cd player also work thanks



• I respond, saying i'll be around, with my address, but the person never shows up nor sends another message.



• I'm pissed, but wait until friday... i send another message to person #1 saying if they can pick it up saturday morn, its theirs.



• I don't get a response as of saturday morn, so begin comms with person #3.



• Person #1 responds saying they can pick it up THIS morning (sunday) between 10 and 11 (getting less specific, should be a sign...), and i say fine.



• Person #3 responds, i respond and say i've already committed to giving it to person #1, and they respond saying how disappointed they are.



• Sunday morning rolls around, early, because i woulda slept a few more hours, and person #1 says something came up and to give it to someone else.

ARRRGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need a xmas ceasar and pack of smokes. I don't have the heart to respond to person #3 after their "i'm so disappointed" email, the f*in stereo is hitting the curb on my way out to buy new shit likely made in china. I'm not in a freecycling mood right now.

This is NOT the first time this has happened. People troll these lists, respond to things they would like, with no way of getting them, and no real commitments to picking them up - they're free after all!

I think this rant has been therapeutic. In the future, i'll give people my phone number at the first exchange, and will not accept any pick up times more than 24 hours away, perhaps even none the next day... i welcome any other suggestions too. I also realize the silliness of posting this on my blog and not in their forum, but this was mostly for me to rant and now thats done and i'm selfish and frustrated right now... less so now though!

Facebook spam/viral letter

I got the following message sent to me by a friend on facebook yesterday:

Attention all Facebook membeRs.
Facebook is recently becoming very overpopulated,
There have been many members complaining that Facebook
is becoming very slow.Record shows that the reason is
that there are too many non-active Facebook members
And on the other side too many new Facebook members.
We will be sending this messages around to see if the
Members are active or not,If you're active please send
to other users using Copy+Paste to show that you are active
Those who do not send this message within 2 weeks,
The user will be deleted without hesitation to create more space,
If Facebook is still overpopulated we kindly ask for donations but until then send this message to all your friends and make sure you send
this message to show me that your active and not deleted.

Founder of Facebook
Mark Zuckerberg


I suppose it was only a matter of time... i don't use facebook nearly as much as a used to. Actually, i guess i never really *used* it, i just spent time there. Techcrunch posted the following funny video that pretty much sums up how i feel about facebook these days.

It was a novelty, its worn off for me, but i'll occasionally still use it as a tool when i need to send a message out to friends in a manor more trusted than email... and so my picture is next to my message. Actually, its less reliable than email, moreso now though that they include the message in their notification email, but a lot of people likely don't read them or have the notifications disabled.

In a totally unrelated note, google talk has added translation - this is very cool. You can now in theory IM people in different languages, and have google talk translate for you. Do i have any non-english readers that would care for a conversation???

Winston is helping me study

I'm writing this 6 hour 250 question exam tomorrow. I've been studying for it for roughly 3 months. It has basically swallowed all my free time. Pass or fail, I will be very glad when it is through.

If i pass, i will definitely have my cats to thank. They've helped me through some tough times.

If i fail, i will definitely have my cats to blame. They've definitely caused me to waste lots of time.

garbage man stuck in snow

The scene last monday during the massive snowfall. This is right outside my house. I thought about helping, but i didn't. It didn't take them too long to get out.

They still haven't "cleared" the snow from my street yet, i guess i don't live near any rich/influential people. Hopefully this week they'll clear the rest of it away.

I heard on CBC that it costs ottawa 3 million dollars every time we have 20 cm of snow or more. I hate to say it, but i'd excpect for 3 million dollars the snow would be gone by now. Mabye its 3 million dollars over 4 months? Theres no way they've spent it all already.